Thinking out loud

New Beginnings

2006-11-16T19:10:00.000-08:00

It's interesting to me where life takes us, and how it seems like it was just yesterday that I was a little girl playing outside with the greater worries of the world, seemly a world away. And then something happens and you're not that little anymore and the bigger concerns of life that were so unfamiliar have somehow moved in next door.

I say all this as I think about where I was just a few days ago, Wickenburg, AZ in the middle of my junior year in college, not for vacation, but to visit my 18 year old sister who has, for the last 4 weeks been in a intensive inpatient treatment facility for a serious eating disorder. It was a "secret" that has been hidden for the last 2 years, yet in that time our lives have been tremendously effected for the worst.

But as I sit back and think about all the events and circumstances that have led up to this point, I have been able, thankfully, to stop questioning , "Lord, why have you allowed this to happen to us?" but instead, accept and say, "Lord, I don't understand why this happened, why we had to experience this kind of pain, but I thank you for your faithfulness, and ask that you use this time to heal our wounds, and help us live in freedom."

Even as I write this now, I am overwhelmed by the graciousness and Sovereignty of
the Living God. Experiencing the last few days with my family and little sister in Arizona have shown me the dramatic power of forgiveness, the beauty of accepting God's unconditional love, and the freedom that naturally flows from that. It is quite difficult to put it all into words... but I saw its joy in the eyes of my sisters, my Mom, and my Dad, as we sat together and were so real for the first time, in a very long time. I hope to never forget that experience, for those of that heart depth may only occur several times in a lifetime.

Of the many things that I learned this past week, I relearned this: God is the God of New Beginnings. No matter where we have been, or how deep the pain, God has in His Grace and love provided the way in Christ, through the life He offers us.

I love the verses in Lamentations that describe how God's mercies and compassions are new every morning... Even though Arizona isn't necessarily praised for it's amazing cacti, it has some of the most incredible horizons i've ever seen. Each morning I walked outside to a new masterpiece in the sky, and I was overwhelmed, all I could do was just take it in. What if we did that each day with His mercies...how much different our lives would be.....

To new mercies, and new beginnings.......

"Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,   for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;   great is your faithfulness."
Lamentations 3: 22-23

A little reminder....

2006-09-30T18:54:00.000-07:00

I love when the Lord does something to remind me He's there. Of course, when my spiritual eyes are open, I can see Him a lot better throughout the day in the obvious ways, like the beauty of His creation, especially when the weather's really good....a warm smile from someone who knows Him, and just the miracle of life each day. But it's those sweet little reminders that come out of nowhere that just really excite me, and make me realize, wow...God really is in the details of this very small life of mine.

It happened just this morning...I was going to get some coffee with my dad, and on the way there I was just silenting praying that I would trust God for my needs, and that I would have the patience to be patient....just really a quick, yet heartfelt pray of surrender.

So shortly after that, my dad and I sit down to wait for coffee and then the guy brings out our drinks in these two coffee mugs. I didn't think anything about it until my Dad pointed to the words on my mug and said, "Whit, look at that...that's pretty cool."

So I looked at it and read this:

"God knows exactly what you need, exactly when you need it.
It's because God knows there's a right time for everything,
and that some things are sweeter when they're slow in coming."

I almost couldn't believe what I was reading.....on a coffee mug of all things! God truly works in very interesting ways, I have discovered. He never ceases to amaze me with little reminders of His love for His daughter. I still smile as I think about it....
That He would continue to open my eyes of faith, and help me to seek Him above everything else that I can see.....knowing that He will provide....

Breath of Life

2006-09-12T19:07:00.000-07:00

I love when the Lord reminds me of something important....something simple, but profound for everyday living. I was running yesterday at my favorite park, and the weather was surprisingly good, even in the middle of the afternoon. But as I was running down the path, like i've done probably fifty times before, just praying and enjoying the Lord's creation, He drew my attention to the trees constantly at my side. For the first time, in awhile, I thought about the importance of these trees...not only are they beautiful symbols of strength...but since they give off oxygen, they are source of life for us... without them, physical existence would be quite impossible...

I guess what I'm getting at is at that moment, I was immediatley reminded of what Christ said in John, that He has come that we "might have life and have it to the full." Yet the only way this happens is by walking with the source himself...

"I am the vine, you are the branches. If a a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit,
apart from me, you can do nothing."
John 15: 5

I like that last part, so straightforward.... "apart from me, you can do nothing."

Although a battle, my desire is that I would begin each day walking with the True of Source of Life....Christ. And although it's a mystery in many ways that my human mind can not begin to grasp, I feel like in that moment, the Lord reminded me that just as real as those trees were beside me, that Christ is with me, in every situation of my life, through the good days and the bad, through what I don't understand, and what I do...when I can't see the "big picture," and when I just need to be still, and stop thinking.... He's there, constantly offering His breathe of life to me....and oh, how refreshing that is....

A painting of Faithfulness

2006-08-31T06:20:00.000-07:00

I know it's Thursday already, and this happened a few days ago, but I just feel the Lord urging me to write about it....
I was on my way to Auburn this past Sunday, and like almost everyday here, it rained off and on throughout my drive back to school. I don't really mind rain, unless I can't see out the windshield, of course. That could potentionally pose some problems...
But anyway, the clouds were amazing on that drive, huge dark clouds on one side of the road, and on the other, huge white ones. I love spending that time in my car with the Lord, reflecting on who He is, what He's done in my life and what He's doing now. As I think back on that simple drive to school, and the rainstorms that I went through, I remembered this.... I saw the most beautiful rainbow I have ever seen. It was huge, covering the horizon in front these enormous, dark storm clouds. I was literally taken aback by the work of the Lord's hands. As I was thinking about this rainbow, I remembered the story in Genesis of where it originated from...Noah and the ark, and how God flooded the entire earth for 40 day and 40 nights. And then a wonderful feeling hit me, that very rainbow that God created for Noah was, and still is today, a symbol of God's faithfulness to His people. And what a beautiful reminder of how through the storms in my life, God has shown his faithfulness to me...time and time again. I love the verses in Genesis 9 that tells of the Lord's convenant with Noah:
" And God said, 'This the sign of the covenant I am making between me and you and every living creature with you, a convenant for all generations to come: I have set my rainbow in the clouds, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and the earth. Whenever I bring clouds over the earth and rainbow appears in the clouds, I will remember my covenant between me and you and all living creatures of every kind. Never again will the waters become a flood to destroy all life. Whenever the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will see it and remember the everlasting convenant between God and all living creatures of every kinds on the earth."
How wonderful to see signs of the Lord's promise of faithfulness to His people, even on simple drive on a Sunday afternoon. My heart's desire is to dwell in the same assurance that Noah had in the Lord's ability to remain faithful to him....through what seemed like a never ending storm, and just as the Lord brought him throught that, no matter what I go through in this life, the Lord's promise of faithfulness is sealed, unchanging. How beautiful that day must have been when the Lord peeled back the clouds of darkness, and the sun's rays engulfed the world again....and in that moment, a fingerprint of the Lord's faithfulness kissed the faces of Noah and his family, and they too remembered the goodness of the Lord.

"I will praise you, O Lord, among the nations; I will sing of you among the peoples. For great is your
love, reaching to the heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the skies."
Psalm 57: 9-10

More Precious.....

2006-08-25T05:19:00.000-07:00

So, I haven't written in forever....I'm working on that. My plan to document my entire trip to France didn't work out to well, but life goes on, and I 'm back now.

With the summer finally over, and a new year already begun, I find myself more and more reflecting what the Lord has shown me just over the last 8 months. I think it was Monday when I reading in Ps. 119 and came upon the passage of verses that I had never really metitated on before. (I'm a huge fan of Ps. 119, so this was really cool to me:)

Starting with v. 65:
"Do good to your servant according to your word, O Lord.
Teach me knowledge and good judgment, for I believe in your commands.
Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I obey your word.
YOur are good, and what you do is good; teach me your decrees.
Though the arrogant have smeared me with lies, I keep your precepts with all my heart.
Their hearts are callous and unfeeling, but I delight in your law. It was good for me
to be afflicted so that I might learn your decrees. The Law from your mouth is more
precious to me than thousands of pieces of silver and gold."
Psalm 119:65-72

This passage may not at first glance seem like anything profound, but as I read over it and over it, I developed an understanding of what I feel David was trying to relate to us. I love David's heart, his is like one unwavering wind, a hero of one who hides nothing from the Lord, and trusts relentlessly in His precepts. Yet I was caught by this, David's overwhelming spirit of thanksgiving to the Lord for his affliction. Yes, his affliction, not the Lord's blessings on him, but the trials God put him through, because it was that very affliction that brought David to the realization of who is apart from his Maker. Yes, David was afflicted, but in and through that he learned the most valuable lesson in life: that it is God who is most satisfying..."It was good for me to be afflicted that I might learn your decrees." That is amazing statement to me..... I think to myself though, as I look back on my life this year, and knowing that the Lord has, indeed, taken me through the most trying times of trial and surrender, I can now see that if for nothing else, it was to show me, teach me, and move me into a place where God is more valuable than whatever was competing to be most valuable before. I realized a deeper meaning of "blessed," I found that Christ is "more precious to me than thousands of pieces of silver and gold." What an amazing outlook that David possessed in his lifetime and relationship with the Lord. My hope and prayer is that I would always offer a sacrifice of praise to the Only One who is forever worthy.......

A Constant Heartbeat

2006-07-18T03:44:00.000-07:00

So.....I actually thought that i had posted something when i got here...but apparently something didn't work right.

I don't why i haven't written in soo long. I guess i've been more busy than I thought.

So, I've been in France for almost three months now. I have a two weeks left and am actually ready to get home, but not ready
to start school a week after i get back. But i can't do anything about that.

The Lord has taught me so much here. It's really hard to explain. Through both the ups and downs of this trip, He has been my
the constant heartbeat.

More and more each day I feel like He's preparing me for something that i cannot see yet. My heart's desire is to seek Him and
let Him lead me.

O Mon Dieu, merci pour Ton amour! Merci! Tu est mon salut, tu me fortifé. Merci Mon Père, que tu connais mon coeur. Et tu
connais mon nom. Sois béné Mon Dieu........merci pour Ton amour!

Welcome to the Unkown

2006-05-21T12:19:00.000-07:00

France trip, Day 1:
So…I am finally here, after a very long day of traveling, I’m know sitting in the Charles de Gaule airport, Paris, France…I’m not gonna lie, I’m pretty tired. But it’s only 1: 35 am Dothan time. Here it’s almost 9 a.m. and a new day has begun as my family at home is probably just now going to sleep…that’s pretty cool. It was so cool to wake up to a 4:30 a.m. breakfast this morning, and then watch the Lord paint one of the most beautiful sunrises I’ve ever seen…at least 20,000 ft high. I kept going back in my mind to the verses in Ps. 139 where it echoes perfectly what I felt the Lord telling me…
“O Lord, you have searched me and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
You perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down; you are
familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue, you know it completely,
O Lord. You hem me in- behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too lofty for me to attain.
Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your
presence? If I go up to the heavens you are there; if I make
my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on wings of the dawn, and settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.”
What an amazing passage from Psalms…written so long ago, but yet it speaks so loudly to me in this time of my life. I am so thankful for this opportunity, and hope that the Lord is evident in and through my life….in ways that I can’t even see. I am His…and He welcomes me to unkowns, knowing that with Him there are none.

Oh Lord.....carry me.....

2006-04-30T05:27:00.000-07:00

So, as i sit here in Taylor's early this Sunday morning after yet another "all-nighter" in the studio...i remembered that I hadn't written in an insane amount of time...so...i'm back. (at least until i fall asleep..haha.)

I can't believe this semester is almost over....it really did fly by! I have less than a week, and two major projects to finish in that small amount of time. I know that the Lord's grace is sufficient.....but I tend to wonder what the heck i'm doing and if this continual pattern of business will ever calm down.

I don't know....I hope so, at least for a little bit...but I am confident that rest will come in time.

I think it's just that i get in this 'survival mode' for finals....especially with all these projects....and my flesh wants to scream out the negative...but I am so thankful that God's Spirit says NO! LOOK FOR ME IN THIS...EVEN THOUGH YOU DON'T FEEL LIKE YOU CAN. He is able to be worshiped THROUGH the exercising of my soul...and strength... not with just words, songs, etc. Like Matt reminded me at Encounter last Thursday....Love the Lord with all you heart, mind, soul, and strength......I'm so thankful that God is pleased to see one of His own loving Him with her soul and strength, asking Him for creativity, and then using the gift with all her strength.....and then this verse comes to mind...."And so whatever you do, work at it with all your heart as if you are working for the Lord, not for men....." I pray that it is the Lord that is my motivation.....I know that His grace is sufficient to carry me throught these times when all i want to do is give up in my exhaustion and crawl into a warm bed and sleep for days.....
I am encouraged that God knows my frustrations right now.....and also that He will NEVER give up on me.....(I MUST CLAIM THIS TRUTH IN MY LIFE EVERYDAY.)

So basically, i'm just trying to say that I know in my heart, not i feel in my heart, but i KNOW that the Lord is able to sustain....and that He promises to never leave me, and that ultimately He wants my character to be in the best shape possible, sooo....if it takes extremely hard situations to do that, then, i guess that's just what's going to have to happen....

Oh Lord, carry me.....when i want to give up, right now...in the midst of this drought of rest....carry me! Help me to finish the race as one who is running to win, not to loose.....I have no idea what you could do if I starting resting in your absolute strength in my weakness......today, Lord, let my attitude reflect you, even though I think my tendency will be not to....I am in need of You...oh Lord, carry me.......
I love you.............

hmmm.....now what?

2006-03-24T09:58:00.000-08:00

So...i know I haven't written in forever....the last two weeks have been quite crazy. The few hours of sleep were quite precious and appreciated. Although very exhausted, the Lord has helped me persevere through yet another challenging few weeks of class. So i found myself now finally at home, so excited to be done with school and on Spring Break, but now what? How do I go from running none stop for the last two months, to not really having something to do every minute? ( I don't know, that may be a relief to some, but for me, it's a little bit of a 180.) Anyway, i'm so happy to be spending time with my family...but my hope is that I will be also be able to use this time to dwell with Lord, and enjoy Him, and not be complacent. I think I just need to remember a good Psalm here: Ps. 46:10: "Be still and know that I am God." Why do I have such a hard time with that??? I don't know...hopefully I'll be able to rest in knowing that His is in control...and because He IS IN CONTROL, I can be still.
Lord, I know You are here....use me this week. Help me to rest in Who You Are.....Be my constant Joy....You are amazing!

Freedom Reigns in this place.....

2006-03-11T14:54:00.000-08:00

Wow....is all i can say. What an incredible weekend the Lord has blessed me with in Chicago at the Beth Moore conference. He speaks so loud and soft through her, it amazes me everytime. God definitely moved in my heart and is doing a work! For that i'm so excited.....He is the healer of broken hearts and captive minds...and has the power to set prisoners free.

Freedom reigns in this place, my heart, O Lord.....Your Freedom.
You are singing Holy, Holy, Holy over me......
My desire is to walk ever more in Your Truth, so that the unexplainable power of Christ can
live, move and be in me.

Hidden in You

2006-03-04T20:32:00.000-08:00

So...I haven't written in forever....i know. But it's times like now, when i'm stuck in the bottom of a basement, working on project all day and night, that i feel the need to remember the Lord's goodness in my life. I know that He is giving me the strength to push through this, it's just tough....but then i think about where i would be if i wasn't be challenged to do things i wouldn't do on my own. (Not writing this...) I believe that the Lord is using this rather stressful time of my life to push me move closer to Him...although it is a struggle. I am so thankful that I have this time to share with Him, when i feel like i'm alone in this, i am really Hidden in Him....in His power, strength, peace, and joy....Lord, then let me cling to You...for right now, when i am weak..you are strong.

Drawn in....

2006-02-18T08:09:00.000-08:00

So finally, i'm able to be at home for the first time in way too long. It's a very peaceful, overcast Saturday morning and I'm enjoying a little time in the word at one of my favorite coffee shops. It could simply be the fact that Valentine's Day was during this past week, but regardless, I've been so reminded of the Lord's love for us, for me. I found this verse in Jeremiah ch. 31:3 which says, "The Lord appeared to us in the past, saying:
'I have loved you with an everlasting love, I have a drawn
you in with loving-kindness."
Yeah..it's short, but to hear the Lord himself say that He has loved me, not with just temporal love, but with eternal, everlasting love...how beautiful that is to me. Not only that, but He has and is drawing me (to Him) with loving-kindness.
My Prayer for this weekend is that I would allow the Lord to Romance me, to find that Christ can satisfy the inner desires of the heart with His infinite love...and that He would exemplify that love in and through me for the blessing of others.

Amazing Love

2006-02-17T07:50:00.000-08:00

So, over the past few weeks, I've been doing a study on Romans. I was just reading through Chapter 8, and asking that God would just open my eyes to the mystery of His Word, provide me with understanding, and that I wouldn't jus read words on a page....I wanted to be engaged in what I was reading....
The Lord is faithful....I was so wonderfully reminded in this chapter of the overwhelming love of God for me. I STILL DON'T FULLY UNDERSTAND, but I am in awe of how the Holiest of Holys, God Himself, could pour out such love on someone who is the epitimy of imperfection. It is at this point, when I have come, yet again, to the end of myself, knowing there is nothing I could ever do to earn God's grace or love, that the beauty of Christ and HIs suffering on my behalf is so much more humbling and awakening. Praise the Lord that He has provided the way to LIFE and peace throught Christ! Abba, Father, I ask that you help me to walk in the TRUTH that I read in your Word, and live in the confidence that I am justified by Christ....I am yours, Lord, I am yours. Thank you...........

Some Random thoughts.....

2006-02-08T21:37:00.000-08:00

So...i just thought i'd mention this. Word of advice to all fellow pedestrians. Do not...I repeat...DO NOT walk out directly in front of a moving car. I speak from a rather scary experience this afternoon that could have left me with a broken foot or two. I definitely almost ran into a truck today...(yes, that is correct....it was not the truck, it was me.) fortunately, they missed me before anything really bad happened. But it's like tripping on the side walk (which p.s. i do quite frequently...) but soo much worse. I was that person who immediately after doing something like that, looks around to see who saw me and how much they're laughing...sure enough, I found atleast one lucky spectator! Hopefully he was having a bad day and I made him laugh! Anyway....just watch out for moving cars.

On a more serious note....I met with some friends tonight and was so beautifully reminded of the gift of God's grace for every person. And how absolutely vital it is for me to live abiding in Him for the glory of His Name. I'm not gonna lie, this still doesn't make total sense to me...but God showed me through His word even today truth that is so amazing! Praise the Lord for the beauty of the gift of Grace...my prayer is that I would live each day effected by His Grace and respond in love.......
Live effected by Grace!! 1 Cor. 15:9-10

My Resting Place....

2006-02-08T00:58:00.000-08:00

So once again, I found myself here at such an early hour. I don't know..I just wanted to write of the Lord's provision in my life. This has been such an incredibly hard week for me. I think i've gotten about maybe ten hours of sleep in the last 4 days..that could be pushing it. Yet, once again, something that seemed impossible to me to begin with, is now, after much toil, completed. I think it's amazing how God allows me to experience joy even in the midst of stress, exhaustion, and everything else that seems to consume the day. I'm learning that the key to this is continually resting in Him....throughout the day, when i can't rest physically, God is helping me to rest mentally, spiritually..in Him. I'm a so comforted that God yearns for me to give Him my load, my burdens, so that He can carry it and not just me. I was reminded of such an amazing passage of scripture today. It's in Eph. ch. 3 v.14-21. It so cool that Paul starts this passage with "....I kneel before the Father." (My daily prayer is that my heart would be kneeling before the Lord, when I'm not physically able to.) It continues with "I pray that out of His glorious riches He may strengthen you with power through His Spirit in your inner being." If I could testify to one thing this past week, it would be that God has strengthened me in times when I had no clue how i'm going to get through. He is faithful...
I think it is safe to say that our soul's true Resing Place is in the heart of the Lord...oh how beautiful that HEART is....and I'm finding that when I am resting in the True REsting Place...my soul is nourished...and I am able to LIVE in joy. Help me to rest in you Lord tonight...Thank you for your loving Faithfulness to me. Help me to rest in you...
"Come to me, all you who are weary and heavy burderned and I will give you rest. Take
my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burdern is Light."
Matthew 11:28-30

Here I am....

2006-02-05T01:05:00.000-08:00

So here it is....my first official blog. And here I am, at 3:07 in the morning. Why am I not asleep? Good question, i'm still asking myself that as well.......

I don't know if you've ever heard "Here I am"...it's definitely a really good Shawn McDonald song, p.s. and i'm actually pretty hooked on it...it's playing right now as I write. The words are amazing....
I lay myself at your feet...asking you won't you lead....won't you lead me.
I can not do it own my own....I can not do it all alone.
Here I am...all tonight.
With my arms open wide....won't you come inside.
I lay myself at your feet....asking you won't you lead.
Won't you lead me God.
I can not do it on my own.
I can not do it all alone.
Here I am....all tonight.
With my arms open wide....won't you come inside.
Won't you come inside God...come and fill this heart of mine..i'm in need of you, of your touch....of your life, of your love....oh...I need you.....
I lay myself at your feet....asking you won't you meet me God....tonight.

Every time I hear this song, i'm so reminded of how much I am in need of the Lord....maybe that's why i keep playing it over and over...to keep reminding myself.
Oh, Lord...thank you for the gift of song, that one as small as me, could lift a sacrifice of praise and a humble, or sad, or happy, or anxious, or confused, or at times, broken heart up to you and recieve the gift of peace and joy. Thank you for music....how it enriches my life, uplifts my heart....thank you Lord, for your perfect love. Teach me, Guide me...I can not do this own my own...wherever you're taking me. I can not do this on my own...meet with me God...and help me to find that my heart can rest in You.